I've been studying who I am since I was twenty years old — the age I started my spiritual journey. We have been given a body suit in this lifetime to experience, and you can learn who you are, what it is you enjoy, who that authentic person is beneath the conditioning, taming, performing we have been through from childhood. Here are parts of who Caitlin truly is, so far...
I like poetry, for the sense of the feeling it brings with it. Warm sunshine, sitting out in the courtyard, just myself and the pages, for my eyes only and for my own experience. To become lost in anothers world, interpreting the stories to have relevance to my own, feeling what another has felt.
I love greek mythology, the energy surrounding it, the conjured imagination that comes with the words passed down throughout history, the passion evoked from such stories. There is a deep connection there for me, something I am yet to explore further.
I enjoy my own company, deeply so. I relish in the thought of going to a book store on my own, perhaps with a white hot chocolate in hand, or going to a stationary store to stock up on my favourite notebooks and pens, complete with a trigonometry set to top the feeling off (I’m hot just at the thought of it). Getting takeaway breaky at my local cafe, taking a book to a beach so I can consume the words entirely on my own. Loneliness is a welcomed feeling here, something I ask incredibly comfortable with, and thankful for. It took a lot of healing to get me to this point, for which I am grateful.
I really, truly, love helping people at any opportunity I get. If I see somebody walking the streets of a city with uncertainty on their face, I’ll always give them warmth when asking if they need a hand. It brightens my day when a lady asks if she’s on the right train line, and I assure her and show her the next stops just to give her more piece of mind that she’s safe and going in the right direction. I love to connect with people in bookstores, when they pick up my favourite book and read the back, giving them a little smile of encouragement that their life is going to shift dramatically even within the first few chapters.
I like smiling at older people who mightn’t think the nicest thoughts about me. Catching that unguarded moment of “oh, she’s kind!” while their face turns from slight surprise into utter warmth; almost relief. There is still so much love in humanity, and I think we should expect kindness. If someone bumps into me, I giggle and say “it’s so fine!” while they’re expecting a backlash. Smiles from strangers as you walk past them are becoming more and more rare, and I think it’s important to put your phone down, look up, and take in more present moments. You never know what a person has to say to you, or can share with you.
For me, plants aren’t just a visually aesthetic feature to my living space. I have come to find that the state of my flora are a direct correlation to the state of the love within myself, and I use my plants as a reference scale to this. When I haven’t been taking time for myself, to ‘fill my own cup’, I find that I also haven’t been taking the time to water my plants, misting them each morning, and being consciously aware of their needs. But when I thrive, they thrive.
I am addicted to learning about myself, and astrology has been a consistently growing attribute to this. Researching particular areas of my life through the study of the planetary and luminary positions has progressed my personal journey in a powerfully influential way. Learning about my Virgo stellium, act like a Leo in love and relationships because of my Venus placement, and have an Aquarius midheaven (10th house) so refuse to follow social norms, think incredibly differently with an open mind, and hardly believe in a 9-5 work style, have all accelerated this journey of personal discovery and assist in knowing who I am, and I am so grateful for this tool readily available to all of us.
I hope this encourages you to undercover the traits, abilities, passions, and mannerisms who make up who you are as well. Visualise your highest self, and then start showing up as her. Choose to act from love, instead of fear, at every opportunity. Turn your face toward the sun, metaphorically and physically. Allow yourself pleasure, allow yourself warmth, allow yourself to open and allow more space to discover what brings light into your soul.